


Young

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, M/M, References to Homophobia, pre-phil Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27403627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: "Can’t you see all I wanna do is get a little wild, get a little high. Kiss a hundred boys and not feel like I’m tied to them If you wanna judge me, then go and load the gun. I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m young."Based off Young by Sam Smith
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 32
Kudos: 73





	Young

**Author's Note:**

> prompt by @dizzy :)) ty!!!

_But they’re watching me, judging me  
Making me feel so used  
Can’t you see all I wanna do is get a little wild, get a little high  
Kiss a hundred boys and not feel like I’m tied to them  
If you wanna judge me, then go and load the gun  
I’ve done nothing wrong  
I’m young_

Cyprus is the dream. He’s made out with three different guys in the past 12 hours. He’s gone out every night and gotten a bit too hammered for his own comfort level. Maybe more high than he would at home. But no ones bothered, about the kissing or the inebriation. Because everyone’s doing just that. 

This is the life he envisioned post graduation. No dickheads watching his every move. No family side eyeing him for wearing vests and too tight jeans. No more girlfriend asking him to come over when her parents aren’t home and the boulder that forms in his stomach when his response is to find an excuse. 

He’s not going to think about that right now. He’s not going to think about how his family will still be there when he gets home, and his dad will still tell him he’s not working enough. He’s definitely not going to think about the relief that was quickly replaced with guilt after technically being dumped this summer. 

Right now the only thing worthy of acknowledging is the guy in the corner of the bar with tattoos and a beard Dan could only dream of having giving him an up and down from across the room, and how the possibility of being pushed up against a wall has an entirely new, and far less terrifying, connotation now. 

This is fun. It’s hot and new and all he’s wanted since he learned it was possible to have it. He’s inside his own edgy teen drama with darkly lit clubs and late mornings and a new body every night. Bodies that look like his body. 

He’s learning new things about himself. Things he likes. Things he’s still a little too scared to try, lines that seem definitive in a label he’s not quite ready to wear. Things he’s been told on more than one occasion now he’s particularly skilled at. 

It’s a stroke to his ego that eases the general disgust with himself. At least he’s good at it. Like maybe it’s a sign from the universe that he was born to be that...thing. 

The guy from the corner bought him a beer. He’s cool in a way that makes some of the horniness be replaced with flooding envy. He had laughed when Dan wanted to order a fruity cocktail, the kind that comes with a stupid little umbrella that he secretly thinks is cute. So he went along and tried to maintain a conversation that didn’t scream he’s barely legal and doesn’t know any drinks that aren’t mixed in a plastic cup in someone’s kitchen.

It’s a quiet comfort to look around the room and people watch. No one is looking at him. Most everyone here is smushed together on the dance floor or off snogging in a corner. There’s boys wearing even tighter vests than him. Some in tiny shorts he’d never be brave enough to try on. For once, he isn’t the outlier and if someone does glance his direction it doesn’t make him want to duck. 

Beer guy is running his hands up and down his thigh. He hasn’t bothered to learn his name. It doesn’t matter anyway. He knows this routine by now. He’s ready for the next question before it’s done being whispered in his ear.

An invitation to the bathroom to get what they need from each other. They’ll leave first and Dan will take an extra 5 minutes to clean himself up in private. He’ll look in the mirror and stop himself from a spiral. He’ll tell himself he’s not bad, he’s done nothing wrong. That this is in fact what he wants and it’s what people like him do. 

Sometimes they’ll leave a number scribbled on a napkin. He doesn’t keep them. That’s not what this is about. 

Beer guy was fun. Not the best he’s had this week, but good enough. His hands were rough and he didn’t listen when Dan said to go faster when he was close, but he came and he still has that particular satisfaction that comes with this kind of freedom. Besides, it’s not like that guy will have to remember for next time. It’s not like they have to bother learning anything about each other. 

By the time he exits the bathroom, his date is nowhere to be seen.

There’s two guys occupying the seats they left at the bar now, leaving only one at the end for Dan to slide up to. He’s not trying to eavesdrop, but it’s hard not to when everyone has to shout a little louder over the music. He picks up enough words to get the picture.

They clinked their glasses, two frozen margaritas with tiny umbrellas on top, and muttered something about an anniversary. Four years? Five? Either way, it’s impressive. He realizes their accents aren’t different from his own. They must be from the south too. Found each other in his own backyard. 

They look happy. Free in a way that makes it almost impossible for him to not gawk despite him being acutely aware of how creepy he looks right now. 

They’re touching each other. Gentle squeezes on arms and shoulders and legs. Not like how beer guy touched him...there’s something else there. Something warmer. Something that makes him feel far too alone and jealous for having someone kissing his neck and telling him he’s gorgeous just 10 minutes ago. 

He goes home soon. He’s not quite ready to remember the particular brand of loneliness that awaits him. Aside from the obvious...there’s no bars in Wokingham like this, and even if there were he wouldn’t risk it. Maybe more than the freedom and fucking, he’ll miss the belonging he feels here. 

He orders a final cocktail of the night, bright blue and garnished with a cherry, and listens to them ramble about nothing in particular. The couch they want to get for their new flat, the trip to the beach they’ll take tomorrow, who’s doing the laundry when they get home. Boring adult shit. Dull and uneventful crap that he has no interest in.

Not right now anyway. Someday maybe. If he found someone to be boring with. Not that he expects to. Maybe the thought has crossed his mind once or twice, maybe he’s allowed himself some imaginary future fantasy while flirting with a boy or two online. Maybe one in particular who’s been paying him more attention that he ever thought he’d get. Maybe he should say fuck it when he arrives home and go all in. What’s the worst that could happen? He doesn’t dare think about the best scenario.

But that’s for later. Right now is right now. And right now he’s drunk enough to dive into the middle of the dance floor and smush against a stranger. Maybe he’ll go back to the bathroom later. 

He’s not doing anything wrong. He’s young.

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog [here](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/post/633966409889841152/young-t12k-summary-cant-you-see-all-i-wanna-do) :)


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